Good Morning Crab, Allow Me to Show You the Door

Being one with nature stops short at living with land crabs

Land crabs just might be the most hideous things on earth. Beyond spiders and other crawly critters, an adult land crab shuffling along the road will look up more than 5 feet at a looming biped and truly believe his raised claw defense will succeed at scaring me away.

And he’s right.

With bodies resembling an orthopedic shoe and colors that range from deathly dark black to masked marauder maroon, these click-clack, side-walking, poo eating ground scrapers need to eradicated.

Environmentalists and bleedInvasion of the crabing hearts be damned, these creatures are right creepy. Hermit crabs? Handsome! Lizards? Love ’em. Land crabs? Loathe! Why the deep disdain? No boundaries. Outdoor living and being “one with nature” is the best way to live on St. John. For us and for all critters. But I don’t go crawling into their homes and I don’t expect them to come crawling into mine. When you wake up to a land crab ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL, it’s time to lay down the law. Mi casa no es su casa, comprende senor crab?!

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